Since J.J. Abrams is suddenly so concerned with coming across as sexist in Star Trek, and seems convinced sexism can be solved with what (he believes to be) equal-opportunity objectification, I’d like to offer a few suggestions as to some other changes he could’ve made to STID to even things out a little.
- Every replicator on the ship begins to produce uniform shirts two sizes too small. The dress-style uniforms remain unchanged.
- Every unnecessary railing on the bridge is removed and replaced by comfy chairs with cupholders from which members of the crew may sit and witness the magnificence of their Captain’s ass in action whenever they please.
- Carol Marcus ends that scene by phasering Kirk directly in the balls, and breaks the fourth wall when she stares the camera down and says “ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME WITH THIS SHIT.”
- Additionally, she begins her own five year mission of discovery re: just how legendary Dr. McCoy’s hands are. The audience is invited.
- In fact, Dr. McCoy just spends the entire movie shirtless. No explanation is given, as none is needed.
- Uhura is carried everywhere on a golden litter by four Engineering ensigns, with a fifth following up in the rear carrying a boombox playing Beyoncé on a constant loop.
- (the fifth guy is totally Spock)
Additions are welcomed and gratefully accepted.
what if stid and all that business about marcus and offensive defense and breaking the prime directive is really all about the slippery slope to empire and this “alternate universe” is really the mirror universe and we’re just seeing how it starts
#oh no i really want this #because it would be an AOS version of the mirror!verse #one where evil isn’t as obvious as gold sashes and goatees and agonizers #but something insidious and relatable and all too easy to justify #what if the enterprise was sent far away on a 5 year mission so they wouldn’t interfere #as starfleet continues on the trajectory started by marcus to become almost unrecognizable when they return (tags via radiophile)
WHO IS WRITING THIS? I NEED IT RIGHT NOW.
“You are my superior officer. You are also my friend.”
After making a mere $84 million at the U.S. box office, Star Trek Into Darkness is considered by some to be a disappointment. Perhaps the problem is that it was a touch confusing. To help our readers better understand it, we’ve complied and answered these Frequently Asked Questions about the movie.
YES THIS IS EXCELLENT AND HILARIOUS
I have one more to add but I won’t because then people will see it that haven’t seen the movie and be sad. But my point is that even on top of all these gazillion plot holes and fuck ups, there are yet more…
As much as I truly enjoyed the movie at face value, I agree with just about EVERYTHING in this
This is hilarious and tragically accurate, yes.
you forgot the misogyny
omfg this is fucking brilliant. It would’ve been a 10 all around if it included the misogyny but damn.
Star Trek XII: Chekov Develops An Ulcer
Nurse Chapel is a beloved [Trek] character,” says Orci. “Even before the first movie came out, a lot of online chatter was, ‘Is Nurse Chapel gonna be there?!’”
Alas, although we hear Dr. McCoy (Karl Urban) say “Nurse Chapel” in 2009’s Star Trek, we never officially saw Christine Chapel — and she’s still MIA in Into Darkness. Instead, Carol Marcus tells Kirk that she learned of his reputation as a ladies man from her friend Christine Chapel, who has become a nurse since her romantic encounter with him — which he does not recall.
“We just figured that would be a great reference, and we loved that Kirk didn’t remember her,” says Orci. “It’s an in-joke that also speaks volumes about his character when it comes to women. That’s why we used it.”
So will Nurse Chapel ever actually make a flesh-and-blood appearance on the Enterprise? Orci just laughs. “That’s certainly possible!"
Bob Orci talks to BuzzFeed about fan references in Star Trek Into Darkness. [x]
All I have to say about this is:
#the misogyny is so fucking palpable im going 2 throw up #you had the opportinity to introduce another female character #(having more than 2 is too much for you maybe???????) #but nooo #you had to be gross and write her off as just another conquest in kirk’s book #HILARIOUS AM I RIGHT!!!! #women are dispensable!!!!! #and not only the fucking blatant misogyny you also seem to not understand kirk’s character #like apparently for these dudes sleeping around = being a sleazy douchebag #which???? no?????????#people who have a lot of sex maybe do b/c…they enjoy sex??????? #wow revolutionary i know #anyway god im just so angry about this
i feel like the most appropriate response to this quote is an apathetic scream of frustration
HEY BOB ORCI COULD YOU MAYBE STOP
★ Who is your favourite villain?
★ Who is your favourite villain?
THE SHADE OF IT ALL
DAAAAAAAAAMN JOHN CHO.
oh my god